How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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