I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
