why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
