You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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