There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
