i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
