How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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