So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
