Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
