oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
