I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
