you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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