Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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