I need help removing her.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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