I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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