time to smoke my breakfast
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
