Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
