Got a toothbrush?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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