Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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