You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
