I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
