my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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