She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this just has baby written all over it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
