Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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