Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
