it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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