so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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