dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
