u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
