My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
