Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
