I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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