His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
