I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
