I seem to have left my pride at pride
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
