His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
