How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
