At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
