If that was your dad, he is hot
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
