I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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