I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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