Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
