ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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