We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
