i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
