People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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