I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
