sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
