Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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