I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
