She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
