i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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