girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
